Me and my pants knew we were in trouble when we saw the pink neon sign out front: “Support your local carb dealer.” Inside, they could tell by the looks of me (in my troubled pants) that I didn’t need free samples to get hooked on the wares. But I did need a napkin due to the high potential for the droolies. “Are you here for breakfast?” asked the counterlass, steering me toward a stack of enormous cinnamon rolls amply buttered with peach cobbler. “Those look like enormous cinnamon rolls amply buttered with peach cobbler,” I announced. “Yes,” she replied. “Yes,” I replied to her reply.
Amidst a Niagara Falls of interior visual Instagram overload and lyrics from the fourth single of the Eurythmics’ second album was an endless parade of imaginative cupcakes and cookies. My doctor (and pants) would be proud that I only filled the six-pack to-go box with four cakes the size of cups but perhaps less impressed with my choices, including one topped with a miniature powdered donut and sprinkled with Fruity Pebbles, the cereal that, in sober retrospect, announced that we had reached peak culture in our glorious homeland. Another was adulting as peach bourbon, with the remaining two coming in as lemon blueberry and a boring (but bedazzling) chocolate.
With a rotating array of creative cakes and cookies (and custom-made in case you prefer Cocoa Puffs), the immortal (near)words of Chief Brody in JAWS echoed in my ears: “You’re gonna need a bigger pair of pants.”
Pflour Shop Bakery, 7413 Burnet Road, (512) 888-9885, www.yourcarbdealer.com
I wrote this review for the Allandale Neighbor.